For future reference, it’s not impossible that I may be the voice of reason, but if you ask me for ideas on what’s reasonable I will almost always suggest some combination of the following.

  1. Get pizza instead.
  2. Maybe limit the number of fingers you might lose to one.
  3. If the fire only takes off hair then it’s not a big enough fire.
  4. You are only going too fast if you also need to turn. If no turning is needed keep going forward.
  5. An angry bear is only dangerous to people to proud to trip a friend
  6. You can put your boots in the oven but that don’t make ’em biscuits
  7. If you can’t solve a problem with a hammer you clearly need a bigger hammer